If only my relationship could work, I would be so happy, that’s the only thing that is missing in my life.
If only I had that dream job, my life would be amazing.
If only I had more money, everything would be so different.
We’ve all been in situations where we have put our happiness and power in other people’s hands or in the control of something outside of ourselves thinking that it’s the only way to be happy. I’ve personally found myself many times in situations where I thought in order to find an unlimited source of happiness or to complete my life’s role I need to be in a relationship, I need to have an amazing career or simply just be successful. Every time I’ve felt this way, I’ve given all of my internal power to the following external factors: a man, to work or to the idea of ‘success’. Subconsciously thinking that if I don’t satisfy these criteria, I can’t be happy, and the worst thing, I wasn’t even aware of it. So at the end of the day, my happiness was always depending of external circumstances and was always in someone’s else hands.
Until I decided to get to know my self and to make a connection with my inner self, did I then realise that I am the only person who has the power and that our power comes only from the inside.
“When you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behaviours, you get your power back.” – Unknown
It took me a long time to feel that connection with my self, to not be trapped in this pit where most people, instead of making contact with their inner self, give their power to others and the world around them. This occurrence is one of the main sources of frustration, unhappiness, unworthiness and the feeling of being trapped.
The truth is, the moment we look outside of ourselves for happiness is the moment we allow our happiness to be controlled.
In today’s world everything is labeled. You’re successful or unsuccessful, beautiful or ugly, smart or stupid. We are pressured by society to fit into the boxes that have been created to recognise normality and conformity. Every time we put ourselves into the box we lose our power because at this moment we lose the ability to recognise our limitless potential.
When making a decision, you must ask yourself ‘Does this decision come from my inner-self and truth’ or is this decision coming from what society will think of me.
“Don’t let other define you. You define yourself.” – Ginni Rometty
The truth is that we are all born with our own limitless potential, and when you realise the labels that the people around you, society, your family, partner and your own ego has put on you, you will have the awareness to get back your freedom to set yourself free from this imprisonment of social acceptance. Only then you will be able to accomplish your full potential.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch
Every time we seek social validation or acceptance we are handing over our power to others. We give more importance to them than our own intuition or belief. Every time this happens, you lose your power and your connection. One day we can feel at the top of the world, living at the maximum of our potential and creativity, where we feel that nothing can stop us. This is when we have our power! However when things turn around on us and we can’t seem to find the strength to change our situation and become stuck, this is when we lose our power and feed the beast.
A lot of people have survived diseases, rough life situations, horrible relationships or traumatic childhoods, and instead of being victims, they have found power in those events and become stronger.
Oprah Winfrey, one of the most successful media leaders and women in the world, was raped by the relative at the age of 9 and sexually abused many more times till the age of 14. She once opened up to David Letterman at a Distinguished Professional Lecture and Workshop Series in Muncie, Indiana.
She explained that she had to believe in a “power greater than herself” to get through the ordeal, and that the experiences she suffered as a child inspired her ability to empathise with people in her daily life.
“Everyone is looking for that validation. I know what it feels like to not be wanted… you can use it as a stepping stone to build great empathy for people” – Oprah Winfrey
Instead of being a victim in her life and blaming others, she shifted her perception and not only changed her life, but changed and touched so many lives and encouraged so many people.
Every time you lose control and let negative emotions control you, you lose control over your life and become disconnected. This is one of the main ways people develop addictions, be it technology, relationships, food, shopping, social media etc. Because we lose our inner strength and power. When we give someone or something power by neediness and desperation, we lose connection with our own power and true potential. I believe the opposite of addiction is connection. When we are connected with our confidence, we are not coming from a position of lack and we stop reaching outside of ourselves. Our self-destructive habits don’t control our life anymore and that gives us true freedom.
“Once you connect with yourself, it is impossible to be lonely or desperate.” – Bryant McGill
You have to know and understand that you are always responsible for your feelings. When you accept this responsibility, you empower yourself, and empowerment means strength, courage, will, determination, confidence, autonomy and freedom.
Instead of focusing on why something isn’t how you think it should be, change your perception and if you still feel it’s not the way it should be then change the situation. You are the captain of your own destiny and you have this control.
Most of the time we give away our power because we want to be accepted.
“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinion of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.” – Osho
Here are my 6 steps to liberate yourself and take back your power:
1. Make choices for yourself– Ask yourself: Is what I’m doing right now empowering me? Does this help me grow or add value to my life? Do I feel happy and free?
Remember if it’s not empowering you, it’s not serving you. Once you understand this it will be your only compass and light.
2. Connect with yourself – Return home to yourself!
You have to know who you are. You have to know yourself in order to know what you want. Only then are you able to make clear decisions that are not fueled by external sources or your ego!
3. Find your fears – Identify your fears and leave them behind. As actor Walter White from Breaking Bad said: “I came to realise it’s that fear that’s the worst of it. That’s the real enemy. So get up. Get out in the real world. And you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.” – Never allow your fear to grow larger than your faith.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
4. Express yourself – Express how you feel and don’t blame others. Be open, be vulnerable and have the courage to express your feelings and needs. Know who you are and what you want. Once you find that, your inner light will guide you.
5. Increase your self-awareness – Know what you want to change. Become aware when it’s your inner self that is speaking and when it’s your ego. You may think they both want what is best for you, but this is not the case. Listen carefully for your inner self the rest is only noise.
6. Take responsibility for your life – It’s going to force you to start living your life and better yet, it will give you the freedom. Remember that at any moment you are 100 percent responsible for where you are right now in your life, and in every moment you have the opportunity and power to change any situation. Don’t make excuses, and instead of denying your mistakes, learn from them! When you accept responsibility, you empower yourself!
As the great Susan Polis Schutz once said: “This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.”