How to gain the right level of self-confidence?

I always say, there are two kinds of people. People who dwell about what they could have done better yesterday, the mistakes have they made, or how by making different choices their life would be so much better. Those are the people who live in the past or in the future, missing the golden opportunity of the present. Then, there are the other kind of people, the people who are aware, centred and present, and who look at everything as an opportunity to learn and grow. They are tuned in and connected with their inner self. The single most identifiable difference between these two kinds of people is their mindset, and the speed at which they stand tall after they fail. This is the secret and most important ingredient for confidence and self love.

“Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?” – Unknown

Self-confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle it requires training in order to radically change our lives. But, you have to be aware of the difference between feeling confident and being confident because feeling confident is based on your current circumstances and being confident is regardless of the situation. The first one comes from the ego, and the second is a belief that can make you fully develop your potential.

If you look for confidence in external things, the moment those things disappear, your confidence will follow. Therefore you must search for confidence inside yourself.

I have to admit, it took me a long time to learn this lesson to stop looking at myself through the eyes of others, and what others think of me. Or through the eyes of people I impressed for the wrong reasons in order to feed my own ego, or through the eyes of the people who gave up on me, or betrayed me because they didn’t share the same values as I do. These situations can affect your confidence, but also be the greatest opportunity to find the faith in yourself that no one else can shake. Self esteem is a mindset. A mindset that learns from failure and a mindset that looks at nothing as a mistake or a failure but rather as an opportunity for growth. What you think about yourself affects all areas of your life, from your health to your appearance. Your mind is always listening to your thoughts, so feed it with the right food for growth.

“It’s not who you are that holds you back. It’s who you think you’re not.” – Denis Waitley

There are so many inspiring stories in the world, however most people try to avoid risk, however I truly believe in the saying, “Go big or go home.” They are scared. They want to know for sure that a certain situation, relationship or event will bring them success before they emotionally commit. Unfortunately life doesn’t work this way. You cannot get to know yourself by standing in one place. You need to have the belief that you are going to take yourself where you want to be no matter what. Self-confidence is unwavering certainty in yourself.

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” – Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln had two business ventures fail, lost 8 elections and had a nervous break down before he became president of the United Stated. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team and Beethoven’s teacher told him he was hopeless. These are just a few of the thousands of examples of world famous leaders who failed and failed, and because of their failures, learnt to succeed.

For me, one of the most recent and inspiring stories is of J.K. Rowling, first self made billionaire author in history, who sold more than 450 million of copies of her book in more than 200 countries around the world. When she was young, she was broke; a single mother who worked as a secretary, diagnosed with depression, and above all that, Harry Potter was rejected from all the publishing agencies. However, even in those circumstances, she had the unwavering self-confidence needed to overcome her circumstances.


So inhale confidence, exhale doubt and try adding these 5 techniques to your daily basis to boost your self-esteem and transform your life.

1.Shift Your Perception

Our feelings are the product of our own perception.

People with self-confidence see every failure as an opportunity to grow. They don’t take rejection personally.
Don’t have a fear of failure or embarrassment. When you learn to embrace self-confidence you won’t need approval from your environment.

“What is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them.” – Gary Zukav

2.Be Bold

First of all, you have to have peace with yourself everything starts from there. If you don’t have peace with yourself, if you are not authentic, if you don’t know your place in the world or your values, you will not be able to move forward and chase your dreams. Be bold and have the self-confidence to trust yourself to take you where you want to go.


You can’t form your beliefs by the definition of what other people think is right for you. You have to feel what is right for you, and believe in that unquestionably. You have to feel in your heart what is right for you. Being successful doesn’t mean you have to be rich. We all have our own platform. It simply means recognising your passion and believing in it.

“You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.” – Oprah Winfrey

4.Overcome Your Fears

This is one of the most powerful and biggest confidence boosters, doing something you are afraid of. Take action. Take risks. As many times you can fall, get back up. Gain new experiences.

“The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.” – Swati Sharma

5.Set Goals

Be passionate about life!

Try changing your daily routine by adding morning gratitude into your daily life, exercise and goal setting. When you’re grateful about the things you have, only more can come. Set a list of things you would love to do or accomplish and surround yourself with passionate people who will encourage you to achieve them. Have high standards and alter your habits so that in time you create a new mindset.

As a woman, I have to admit that the most attractive characteristic someone can have is confidence. I find it much more desirable than their physical appearance. Once you find your value and start loving and appreciating yourself you will become a stronger more driven person. As Joyce Brothers says ‘Success is a state of mind, if you want success start thinking of yourself as a success.”

Love Fani