Why You Should Stop Being A ‘People Pleaser’
At one point or another we all find ourselves in situations where we are tired of saying ‘yes’ to others, and for once would like to say ‘yes’ to ourselves. When its time to regain the confidence and to move away from a life of being a slave to the good opinion of others, where we are so concerned about the others happiness that it becomes our only source of self-worth and respect.
Sometimes this focus is so deeply habitualised that it becomes our life’s focus and we are not even aware of it. It’s so easy to find ourselves trapped in a world striving to gain the acceptance from a boss, teacher, colleague, friend or loved one to make us feel worthy.
In recent times social media has played an enormous part in this, where people have a great need for acceptance and love in the virtual world. For a lot of people it’s more important than finding water if you were stranded in a desert.
The inner problem of all this lies in the lack of love we have for ourselves, which leads to the lack of self confidence.
When you have low self-confidence you place little value on your own opinion and value the opinion of others more. This leads to the constant worry that you are not good enough.
A lot of people invest so much time and energy in the creation of their self-image.
I wonder if instead they invested the same amount of time and effort in connecting with themselves, finding that inner bliss, and learning to love themselves would they be successful and happy?
“When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.” – Unknown
“Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.’” – Maya Angelou, Award-winning author
Inside all of us lies the desire/need to be loved, accepted and approved but the excessive need for it can lead us to subconsciously do everything and anything to please others. This kind of low self-confidence blocks us from enjoying some of the most beautiful experiences of life.
Some people constantly play the role of putting others first that their life becomes a never-ending rollercoaster of self-neglect. This role can cause people to forget who they actually are, and is a very dangerous state of mind that can lead to depression, stress and other health problems.
The root of all these problems is the self image we create and how that makes us feel about ourselves. This slavery creates a vicious cycle of self perception where we doubt our value to those around us therefore always desiring to impress and oblige.
“Happiness for a reason is just another form of misery because the reason can be taken away from us at any time.” – Deepak Chopra
Paradoxically, the situations in life that cause us pain & sadness such as losing your job, broken relationships, enduring betrayal, awaken an awareness in us that can help us become stronger and more relisient with a greater self-confidence than before. However when faced with these adversities it really comes down to choice. Either perceive whats in front of you as an opportunity and take confidence in the fact you are now stronger and wiser, or take defeat and let the experiences belittle you into a low state of self worth.
There are three types of people who lack self-confidence:
- Those who shy away and aim to be invisible as not to upset anyone. They always take a neutral position.
- Arrogant egomaniacs that spend their lives proving their self-worth to others. This type usually feels lonely, which exacerbates their need to be seen & heard and told they are ‘right’.
- Those who are always fine with everything. They never speak up to share their own opinion. They follow the status quo and never make waves.
I believe the right level of self-confidence should be accepting who you are, letting your emotions flow as they come, respecting your values and morals and be willing to stand for them.
Discover yourself, be original and shine the brightest. Because when you value others opinions more than your own on a regular basis, you discard your own principles, morals and values.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” – Maria Robinson
Here are 5 techniques to raise your level of your self-confidence and start saying ‘yes’ to yourself:
1. Practice self-acceptance and self-love.
Begin each day by telling yourself something positive, whether it be something you like about yourself or an affirmation that resonates with you.
Fall in love with yourself. Don’t listen your inner critic and give yourself a permission to do everything that makes you smile!
2. Stop comparing yourself!
There is no one on this planet like you and that’s what makes your great. The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
3. Start practicing saying NO.
Learn that saying NO doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a smart person. Step outside your comfort zone and celebrate who you are and embrace all the things that make you different. Say YES to yourself!
4. Take time for yourself!
Find time everyday for yourself to simply listen to your inner voice. Enjoy spending time finding your passions. You’ll become much happier and more mentally attractive.
5. Give up the need of approval from others.
“I am who I am. Your approval is not needed.” – Jack Nicholson
We have the power to change the opinion we own about ourselves. Nothing holds us back like our insecurities. When you begin to appreciate your inner worth without depending of the results from the outside world, you will shine with self-confidence.
As Oscar winning actress Helen Mirren once said: “At 70 years old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to use the words ‘f**k off’ much more frequently.”
Remember, to be able to experience great things in life, you have to find the courage to follow your own truth.